They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize