i already hear my dad disowning me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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