Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
