Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
