watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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