Four minutes until I can fart!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
