I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am available for nakedness
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize