Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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