I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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