Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
