Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
