Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
