Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
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Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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