I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
