He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
