My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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