I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
