Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
