How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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