So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
