Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
