5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
