Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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