He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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