Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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