Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
