During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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