So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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