Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
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lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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