there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
