I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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