that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
