Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
