vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
