i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My vagina is officially offended.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
