Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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