I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
