You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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