So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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