all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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