How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
