Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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