ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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