Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
