Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
