I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
