On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
