Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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