Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
