I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
