Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
