I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
