New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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