how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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