She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
