You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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