they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
