It's like God shit irony all over that family
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
