i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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