This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
