Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
