The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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