plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
