the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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