pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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